By Imran Malik | Satire Desk | MediaBites.com.pk
Congratulations Pakistan. Foreign Minister Ishaq Dar has delivered a masterpiece of diplomatic achievement.
Not peace. Not visa-free access for 250 million Pakistanis. Not an upgraded green passport that lets ordinary citizens travel without being treated like suspects at every international airport.
No. Something far more important.
50,000 serving and retired bureaucrats, members of parliament, and now — in a truly breathtaking expansion of privilege — their wives, children, and parents too will all get blue and red diplomatic passports.
For life.
Because apparently the greatest foreign policy challenge facing Pakistan today was that a retired Grade 22 officer’s mother was being inconvenienced at immigration.
The Green Passport — For the Little People
You see, the green Pakistani passport is a wonderful document. It allows its holder to experience the full warmth of international hospitality — including but not limited to: waiting in the longest queue at every airport, explaining yourself to immigration officers who look at you like you have just arrived from Mars, and applying for visas to countries that Pakistanis used to visit freely but can no longer enter without six months of documentation, bank statements, hotel bookings, return tickets, proof of employment, character certificates, and a letter from your childhood teacher confirming you are not a flight risk.
The green passport is Pakistan’s gift to its 250 million citizens. A document that says to the world: “This person is Pakistani. Please treat them accordingly.”
But here is the good news. If you happen to be a bureaucrat, an MNA, an MPA, a senator, or any of their immediate and extended family members, Pakistan has a better option available. A blue passport. A red passport. A passport that says something entirely different to the world.
It says: “This person is also Pakistani. But not that kind of Pakistani.”
The Mathematics of Elite Compassion
Let us do some simple arithmetic.
Pakistan has approximately 250 million citizens. Of those, 50,000 will now hold blue or red diplomatic passports along with their families. That is roughly 0.02 percent of the population receiving a privilege that the other 99.98 percent will never see.
Ishaq Dar calls this a diplomatic achievement.
We call it a masterclass in looking after your own while the country you govern queues at embassies.
The Parliamentary Committee — Fighting the Good Fight
And the story gets better.
Members of the National Assembly are currently locked in fierce committee meetings — not about inflation, not about the 26 million children out of school, not about the Rs 12 billion Foreign Office corruption scandal — but about securing lifetime blue passports for themselves and their parents.
Because apparently an MNA’s mother should not have to carry a green passport to London. The indignity would be simply too much to bear.
The bureaucrats figured this out years ago. They quietly gave themselves lifetime diplomatic passport privileges after retirement and told nobody. Now the parliamentarians have noticed and want the same deal. And why not? Everyone in the ashrafiya deserves to feel special. Together and separately.
A Special Message from the 250 Million
Dear 50,000 blue-and-red passport holders.
We understand. The green passport is embarrassing. It is associated with us — the ordinary Pakistanis — the ones who pay the taxes that fund your salaries, your pensions, your committee meetings, your foreign trips and your children’s education abroad.
We completely understand why you would not want to be associated with us at an immigration counter.
We are the people who can no longer get tourist visas to countries we used to visit freely. We are the people who stand in four-hour queues at embassies submitting documents to prove we intend to return home. We are the people for whom the Foreign Office — instead of fighting to improve our passport’s standing — was allegedly collecting Rs 12 billion in unofficial fees for document attestation.
But please. Do not let our problems trouble you.
Enjoy your blue passport. Take your parents to Europe on it. Have your children stamp it freely at airports where they will be welcomed with smiles rather than suspicion.
We will be fine here. In the queue.
Ishaq Dar’s Legacy
History will record that Ishaq Dar served as Pakistan’s Foreign Minister during one of the most challenging periods in the country’s diplomatic history.
The green passport ranked among the weakest in the world. Visa-free access for Pakistani citizens was declining. Ordinary Pakistanis faced increasing scrutiny and rejection at embassies globally.
And Ishaq Dar’s signature diplomatic achievement during this period was ensuring that 50,000 bureaucrats and their families would never have to suffer the indignity of carrying a green passport.
Pakistan’s 250 million ordinary citizens salute this vision.
From the visa queue.
— Imran Malik | Satire Desk | MediaBites.com.pk | Southera.com
Note: This is a satirical commentary on public policy. The facts about blue and red passport expansion are based on publicly reported information.
