Satire | A viral claim suggests the US seized Venezuela’s leader along with millions of oil barrels, sparking global debate over power, resources, and where geopolitics now borders political parody.
WEBDESK – MediaBites – January 7, 2026
In what may be the most cinematic twist since someone thought “subtitles are optional,” the United States has triumphantly acquired millions of barrels of Venezuelan oil — and, apparently, its former president too.
US President Donald Trump proudly announced on social media that the interim regime in Venezuela has agreed to “turn over” a modest handful of 30–50 million barrels of high-quality oil to the United States. According to the President, the oil will be sold at market price — with Trump himself personally in charge of ensuring it benefits both the Venezuelan people and the American people. Because if there’s one thing oil needs, it’s a benevolent billionaire in charge of its destiny.
“This oil will be taken by storage ships and delivered straight to unloading docks in the United States,” the President wrote, before probably asking someone what an unloading dock was. “Thank you for your attention to this matter! GOD BLESS AMERICA!”
Meanwhile, a dramatic scene unfolded Monday as Nicolás Maduro and his wife, Cilia Flores, were reportedly paraded in handcuffs by multiple armed guards — because nothing says international diplomacy like a red carpet and shackles.
In other news, the White House confirmed that Trump is once again seriously considering the military acquisition of Greenland, which, according to him, “would make a great addition to the United States, probably with a really nice view.”
“We’ve always liked Greenland,” Trump said in a follow-up social post, possibly while eating a cheeseburger. “It’s huge. Think of the ice. Think of the potential. Denmark? Meanwhile. Let’s talk oil, ice, and freedom!”
Analysts were left confused, observers amused, and the rest of the world politely declining dinner invitations from the United States.
More as this unit of absurdity continues to unfold.
