Satire by Imran Malik | July 15, 2025
In a bold move to win back customers, KFC USA has launched an irresistible offer: “Free Bucket On Us” — that’s right, a whole bucket of fried chicken free if you order $15 worth of food via their website or app. The only catch? You need to be a member of the KFC Rewards program.
Sounds like a delicious deal? Well, Pakistanis, hold your excitement right there. This offer isn’t for you.
Here in the greenland of inflation and dashed hopes, we don’t even dream of free chicken. If you so much as whisper criticism about KFC Pakistan’s taste or service, expect a polite-yet-firm call from their client rep asking you to delete your comment before the social media gods smite them further.
READ MORE: Passengers got a pleasant surprise when KFC was served on an international flight
But hey, we get it. KFC Pakistan doesn’t want to burden our already obese nation with more fried temptation. After all, why hand out free calories when the average waistline is already a national emergency?
Still, credit where it’s due — we do have that timeless GooLootLo app offer: Zinger Burger + Drink for just 500 PKR. I’ve personally tried it about a million times, despite my nutritionist’s warning that even on cheat days, fried chicken is a dietary war crime.
Meanwhile, congrats to all Americans for this ultimate bucket of bliss and cholesterol. In Pakistan, our only free bucket is the one we carry to fetch water when the supply cuts off.
Bon appétit, America.
We’ll scroll Instagram and pretend to taste it.
